Taevin (week 2 and few days)

Monday was a good day. They checked all his levels to make sure they were where they needed to be for surgery. Damian brought the girls, his mother and my mother up to see us.

Due to another very sick child, Taevin's surgery got bumped to Wednesday. I guess we should be happy that he is healthy enough to be the one getting bumped not doing the bumping.

Wednesday morning Damian and I got there early so we could hold him before surgery. It was such a bitter sweet day. I know that the best thing for him was to get this surgery but it was so hard to let my baby go knowing what he was about to go through.

They took him down around 7 am and made sure we didn't have any questions. We talked to everyone that had a part in his surgery to make sure they had all the necessary information and then it was time to say goodbye. Let me tell you, that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do! After lots of kisses from mom & dad they took him back and showed us to the waiting room.

Can I tell you how much I hate waiting and not knowing! It's so stressful and emotionally draining. After a few hours they came in to tell us that he was asleep and on the bypass machine. A few hours later she came back saying that things were going well and that the hole between the 2 chambers was patched. We decided to get a little lunch to help take our minds off things. After lunch and another hour of waiting she came back saying that they were finishing up and then would start weening him of the bypass machine. A few more hours passed and we were told that the doctor would be out in awhile to talk with us. After about 3 more hours the doctor came out. (I missed it because I had to pump again) When I got back from pumping Damian said that we would be able to go back and see him in about a hour. At this point I am so stressed and all I want to do is see my baby. What do you mean I have to wait another hour? Haven't I been waiting long enough? It has already been over 10 hours and I am done, finally they call us back.

That's when the tears start to really flow. (they have been off and on all day but now there was no holding them back) I guess I didn't realize how many machines, tubes and wires would be needed to support him afterward. I know it was open heart surgery on a 13 day old baby, but WOW! It was scary to see him like that!

Here he is hooked up to everything. There are tubes, wires, machines and medications controlling almost every function of his tiny little body.

At this point he is still completely sedated. He will need the breathing tube in for several more days along with morphine for the pain and a medicine to keep him from moving around.

On Thursday the sedation medicine was turned down and he started to wake up a bit. After a visit in the morning I had to leave to pick up my grandma from the airport and decided to spend some much needed time with the girls. After being gone only a few hours they called and said that his heart was not beating correctly and that he had to be placed on a pace maker and medication to help maintain a correct rhythm. We know this was a possibility so even though it is hard to hear it was not a shock.

I had lunch with Areya & Aniela and took them to the park to play. It was so good to see them and spend some time with them. I miss them both so much and can tell that they miss me too. After the park and a little accident (Aniela fell off the slide from about 5 feet up) I took them to get an ice cream cone. Than it was time to say goodbye and I headed back to the hospital. After about a 3 1/2 hour drive (I was sitting on the freeway forever in rush hour traffic) I made it back. Taevin had another arrhythmia so they had to up his meds.

Friday was a pretty good day. I spent most of the day holding his hand and rubbing his head to keep him calm. At this point he has so much done to him that he doesn't want anyone (but mommy) touching him, even to check his temperature. They were able to take him off the pacer for several hours but ended up putting him back on. They took him off the sedation medicine and lowered the morphine.

Today started out positive but ended up being a really hard day for both of us. He is now fully awake and fighting the breathing tube. He chokes and gags but they are still not able to remove it yet. I hate watching him struggle to breath and deal with that stupid tube down his throat. The doctor said that they are hoping to remove it by the end of the day. They have also put the NG tube (feeding tube) back in and are planning to feed him. He will be one happy boy if both of those things end up happening today. I'm keeping my finger crossed that they do!!!